We've all been there or at least cringed, watching it all unfold.
When a relationship is on it's last legs and despite dropping a million of the biggest hints, the poor guy just doesn't get the message.
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No matter what the poor guy says or does, she automatically says "I hate that shit" or "God just give me some space". Basically, she's trying to dump him and he just won't quit - everyone, EVERYONE knows game's-a-bogey but him. His over-eagerness is sickening to watch, over the top and truly, truly desperate. If it wasn't you doing the dumping, you might even feel sorry for him.
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One day she says, "God I could really do with some chocolate", the next minute he's back from the shop with those ridiculous £10, 1kg Dairy Milks.
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She sees a puppy on 'Vets in Practice' and goes "awww!", the next day he buys her a bloody puppy.
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We've all seen these situations where he's so in her face trying to impress, just not going to let go, still thinks he can make it work cos he knows his life, as he knows it, will be over without her.
Know what I'm talking about? This happened to you?
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Now look at Gordon Brown. Over the past few months big hints have been laid. The world and his dog (or puppy) is watching this and thinking "God bless the poor bugger, he still thinks he can win it round."
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"Not happy about the 10p tax thing? Don't worry, I'll take out a loan and make it all better.
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Worried that I'm not aware of your concerns, I'll go on every talk show that'll have me and tell you that "I am listening to you" (talk show/listening - oh the irony!)
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Not too happy about the housing market and inheritance tax? I'll produce a raft of measures to try and quell your fears, no matter what financial bracket you fall into.
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Basically, anything at all that you don't like, just send me a nasty headline and I'll lurch, whichever way necessary, left or right, up or down, and I will make it alright.
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In the cheesy words of that cheesy Friends song, I'll be there for you, my love.
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Unfortunately Gordon, have you read the lyrics to the first verse of the song?
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So no one told you life was gonna be this way
Your job's a joke, you're broke, (your love life's D.O.A.)
It's like you're always stuck in second gear
When it hasn't been your day, your week, your month, or even your year
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Except for the love-life bit, those lyrics are fucking bullseye!
Right on the kisser!
Ka-POW!
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It's over, but you won't take the hint. The best part is that we never actually agreed to go out with you. You just sort of appeared when the last guy left and just hung around, never took the time to ask "Hey, is this what you want?".
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And the crushing blow in a situation like this, to a boyfriend who is oblivious to the hints that it just ain't going to happen?...Crewe.
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The events in Crewe tonight are the equivalent of him overhearing her best-mate saying "He just doesn't get it. She doesn't love him, doesn't even like him. Why won't he just leave her alone cos it's never going to happen. Seriously, it's pathetic. Does he not realise how embarrassing this is for him?"
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At this stage (Crewe or overhearing a best-mate), the penny should drop.
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"So in short, Gordon, you're a nice enough guy, but you're not the one for me."
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"I think if we could take a step back and review events to find a way forward..."
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"Gordon, you will never be the one for me. Never. Ever. Just stop".
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Will Gordon quit and leave the damsel to a new life? Will she find a new man, maybe a posh man with a dodgy hairdo? Will the puppy end up at Battersea Dogs' Home?
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Tune in next week...
